I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So much rum. So many feels.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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