I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
