he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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