is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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