guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize