conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
