You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize