I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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