I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
