You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
