dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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