Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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