Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
