your thong is hanging out like whoa
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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