Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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