I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
