I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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