That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
