i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
