It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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