Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
