worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
