wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
