Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
