yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
My balls are so social today.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
