No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
