the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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