I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
