i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
