I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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