So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
