and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
