she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
