My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize