her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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