I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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