this beer tastes like vomit already
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
