I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
