i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
