In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Sheβs fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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