it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
