never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
