Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
