carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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