i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
