I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
