It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
