She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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