I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
