Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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