somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
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