Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
