sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
