his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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