I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Found your dick twin last night
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
