she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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