does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You need Xanax blowdarts
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize