he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
how does that bad decision feel?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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