So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
