just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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