I faked an abortion last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
