Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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