remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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