did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
