Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
