i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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