Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
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