1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
