so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
