but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
