I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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