new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize