Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
