rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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