so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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