So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
