I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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