Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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