How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He has the fingertips of a God
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize