turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
