She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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