I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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