So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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