where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
