Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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