White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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