Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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