Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
