good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
