i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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