you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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