Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
