They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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