And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
