whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
