We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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