It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
