Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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