I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
