you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
