I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
