I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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