My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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