i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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