Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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