On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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