I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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