New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
