1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
