I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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