making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
